RELATIONSHIPSLIVING TOGETHER WHEN RETIREDYour relationships when you are both retired might not be what you have pictured in your mind. Do you have this great expectation of how things will be when you and your partner are both retired? Getting to really spend time doing those fun things in life together, sharing your day start to finish? Romance rekindled? Working together around your home, planning long awaited trips? Stop, slam on the breaks! Wake up call. Reality check. Lets take another look at your relationship when retired. It does not matter if you’ve been together for 20 to 30 years or if it is a fairly new relationship, constant togetherness can be challenging to say the least. Prior to retirement you had separate lives, maybe you both went to work or maybe one of you stayed home, does not matter. Now, you are both going to be home together and that is going to effect the relationship. You’ll be able to get up together, have breakfast together while discussing the world events or plan the days activities, right? Sounds nice doesn’t it? So why do perfectly happy couples prior to retiring end up fighting and bickering even divorcing once they have retired?All those great plans you've both had get destroyed and life together becomes a chore in it's self. So what has changed in the relationship? You can prevent this from happening if you take the proper steps.If you are already in this situation it is very easy to correct. Let us look at this relationship in a new light. Questions you need to consider. Are you both morning people? Do you both start your day in the same way? Get up, shower, dress and then breakfast? Or does one of you run first thing then the above? Are you both talkative first thing or does one of you need time to “wake up” first? Do you have a schedule for projects you want to do for the day or do you play it by ear? Are you both the same way? When you are busy doing housework or yard work and the other person is laying around doing nothing how does that effect you? Are you team players or better at flying solo? I could go on asking questions but I’m sure you are getting the point, right? Everyone knows that co-workers get on your nerves. You spend eight or more hours a day with the same people day in and day out, and it doesn't matter how much you like them, they are going to annoy you. Heck, I get on my own nerves at times. Anytime you spend all day, day in day out , with someone you begin to get on each others nerves. Does not matter if you are best friends, lovers, husband and wife or even Dog and master. So what becomes so offensive? It is very simply that they are breathing, eating and living in the same space you are. What? That is not offensive! Think about it again.Dog and Master… your dog has a favorite place to lay in the house, has laid there for years maybe. It has never bothered you before. Today you walk down the hallway, where he is laying, carrying a arm load of stuff, you’ve always just stepped over him, this time you boot him with your foot to get out of the way. You are annoyed because stepping over him was a problem with the load you were carrying. You do this two or three times over the next half hour or hour and now you are yelling at him to get out of the way. Yes, you could have just put him outside while you worked. Now, change the dog to your partner…. You can’t just put them outside!So now you are both annoyed at each other. You are each “doing your own thing” but not in sync with each other. That one annoyance starts building into multiple annoyances and before you know it you are going at each other. Why? What is the really offensive annoyance you are each doing? Breathing, eating and living! You know that You cannot say, "Could you PLEASE stop eating, breathing, and living?" So what is the alternative? Go back to work. Ugh? Not really but sort of. You both need your own space, work space with a door. This gives you both an area of your own to work in. Usually most of the breathing, eating and living happens in the kitchen so stay away from that area when planning your “work space” or me space. Your working again, separate time space, decide what days you are going to “go to work”. Let us say 3 days of the week. So Monday through Wednesday are work days or me days. You can each go about doing what ever you need or want to do. It can be chores, activities with friends or what ever. It just does not involve the other person unless you invite them. They don’t have to except because they are “working”. The rest of the week is together time. Now, you’ve had that break and can appreciate each other more. You might even find you each need to be “working” 4 days a week and only playing 3 days. Still having problems with the time together and what to do when. Take turns children! Oh so very simple when we look at the situation from another perspective. When you look at couples who are happy together in retirement you will find that the couples all seem to have one thing in common. Each person in the relationship has outside activities they enjoy with out having to have their partner with them. They each operate solo at times and as a couple at other times. You have each been looking forward to retirement and being able to do the things you've always wanted to do. You might want to start a veggie garden but the other has no interest in it, so don't nag the other person to help just do it yourself. You might have hundreds of photos you'd like to organize and put into albums or scrap books, so go ahead and do it. By starting and doing things on your own that the other is not interested in you give each other space. The next thing you will notice is your partner is checking on your progress maybe even giving you a helping hand. If not they will certainly be cheering you on. At night you are now talking about your day with one another again just like you did when you were working. You don't have to share every hour of every day with each other but you share what you have been doing. Everyone needs their own space to be able to breath, eat and live. Don't suffocate each other that will only destroy the relationship. It is a simple principle and makes life together much more enjoyable.
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